e_my_lie

Our pasts have left us blind.
Sometimes it's all we can see. We cling to things that once were just to feel safe, even if it's only for a moment.
It's all too easy to fade back.

I'm at a turning point in my life. I feel like there a fork in the road and i'm standing between the two paths scratching my head looking like an asinine dullard with no sense of direction. And maybe that's all I am. I'd like to think i'm something more, but that would be assuming things and setting expectations for myself that I don't really feel like living up to at the moment. With that said, I suppose you can say i've hit rock bottom. At the moment, i'm finding it's rather comfortable down here so I think i'll stay for a bit until I find the motivation to do otherwise. It may sound like i'm stagnating but, on the contrary, i'm actually doing a lot. I'm moving forward many aspects of my life. I just feel like I mentally missed the train. I'm caught in a whirlwind of everything that's going on around me, so i've retreated into my mind where i've chosen to shut the majority of the chaos out. In my mind it's safe for me to look at the world from another perspective and dissect the shit out of it. I've come to realize i'm on somewhat of a quest for understanding. I want to see situation from every point possible and find every solution and consequence. I also do it with people. Years of being an introvert has made it relatively easy for me to get inside people's heads. I don't mean to do it in a harmful way, I just like to see if I can figure out what makes them tick. I won't claim to know much because many do. I've learned from experience that most of those people really don't know any more than the rest of the population. As long as i'm not an ignorant jackass, I think i'm fine.